How We Felt?
by snsw25kr14
Summary: How the Cullen's felt when they had to leave Bella! Updated Chapter 7 out of 7! Please, Please R&R! NOW COMPLETE!
1. Carlisle

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing related to Twilight although I wish I did but, it all belongs to the wonderfully talented Mrs. Stephenie Meyer. I also know I should be worried about my other stories that I have going but, this plot bunny popped into my head and won't leave. Also this story will be updated daily…..shocker I know……but these chapters are shorter and somewhat easier to write!

**Summary: **How each of the Cullen's felt when they had to leave Bella and how they're dealing with the aftermath

**Chapters:** 1/7

**Title:** Carlisle (He's the Dad and Husband thought I should do him first)

**Rating: **T…..who know what my mind will come up with

**Carlisle Pov**

We left packed up and walked out of someone's life who I considered very close to me. I considered Bella to be a daughter along with my wife who thought the same thing. My children even though some thought differently considered her to be like a friend and sister. My son found **true love** with her which seems so rare in this place that humans seem to call a world.

The look on her face when she was attacked was imbedded into my brain, like a bran onto a cow. Her face so young and innocent was one of fear and shock, which was expected but, there was no disgust or shame directed toward my family. As I cleaned her wounds she asked my questions which was normal but, the questions were asked with such a sense of maturity and from a human no less, it made me proud to see her un-afraid. She seemed to love **us** a family of **vampires**, who should be her worst nightmare and only exsist in books and cheesy horror movies, but we were real and very much involved in her life.

I sighed knowing my whole family was hurting especially the people who were so close to her. My dear wife was aching at losing another person that she called her daughter and Alice was no longer a happy, spunky person, she was in a way dead. (**No Pun Intended)** Jasper so full of guilt and Emmett with no longer having anyone to joke with was quite which made it real. Rosalie was well Rose never really showing what she felt but, being around her I knew it was hurting her seeing her family in pain maybe not so much physically as emotionally. Edward, I had no clue where Edward was. My first born () was no where to be seen or heard from since we arrived in Alaska two weeks ago. He reminded of many patients I had who were addicted to a certain kind of drug, let say heroin, who were trying desperately to recover and failing miserably. ()

My family was falling apart all around me and I was at a loss at how to help them. The father/husband side of brain was screaming, pleading me to just make our family go back then we could heal. Edward would have his love again and our family wouldn't act like there was no reason not to live. That was in a way the conscious part of my brain knowing I would have my family back and we could go on like we were but, in order to do that we needed Bella. 

The other side the sub-conscious side of my brain was screaming and telling me that if we went back we would only cause Bella more pain. We left her life and we had no right to re-enter it only to most likely have to leave it again. It wasn't fair to my family and more importantly it wasn't fair to Bella. I am sure she was hurting without Edward or the rest of us. We sure as hell were hurting without her. 

The door to my office opened softly where I was sitting lost in my thoughts and feelings toward myself and family. I looked up to see Alice her face a mask of pure despair and a hint of anger. 

"He won't let me see her and I can't stand it. Why…..I miss her so much she was my best friend and she is gone. I've never had a "human" friend like her. I miss her and I damn Edward for making us leave." I quickly walked toward her wrapping my arms around her giving her comfort the only way I knew how too. I knew she was affected greatly by leaving Bella and I knew we need here. I knew one thing"

**We need Bella to cement back our shattered family.**

Author Note: There is chapter 1. Good or Bad? Tell me what you think! Like I said this will be updated tomorrow if I get a few reviews. 

snsw25kr14

() I simply wanted to sorta make people say Carlisle was indeed referring to when he changed Edward! In truth it was his was his first change

() I wanted to let people know in the book where Edward was talking about Bella being his brand of herion. Just thought I would at least mention it!


	2. Esme

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing related to Twilight it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I now I said it would be updated daily but, at this moment I feel like complete crap. I will get two chapters out today maybe three. This one for now and another later at night, so no worries. Also I wanted to say ALL grammatical errors; (including spelling and punctuation) are mine! That goes for chapter 1 as well!

**Title:** Esme

**Chapters:** 2/7

**(Esme Pov)**

It wasn't fair to anyone of us. We were forced to leave behind someone who was so innocent when it came to what we are. The person left behind was Bella Swan, a human. Yes, a human who brought so much "life" to our family it amazed me. I consider her to be like a daughter to me and therefore one of my children. 

In my life I have lived through many trials and tribulations and yet I always found a way to come out whole again. I knew the reason was to do with my family and the love I felt for them. They were all I had, all I had to hang on to and protect. I loved each one of them equally whether they knew it or not. 

Bella Swan was part of the Cullen family whether she knew it or not. She was like a ray of sunshine of a dark day, her smile and kind eyes able to light up an entire room. She would do anything to protect us and in return we would do the same for her no questions asked. In my mind I see some of the logic Edward had in leaving her but; I know he is still just a boy. He is defiantly wise beyond his age but, in reality he is still just a boy. I think when he made the decision to leave he didn't' realize how greatly we would all be affected. He did what he thought was right and we in return followed him.

I can't feel anger towards Edward; in fact all I feel now a days is heartache and despair. Bella was like a daughter to me and still is and I know what it's like to lose a child, and I know the pain never goes away. My family on the other hand has never lost someone this special before to them in all of there existence, they never had someone to lose in the first place. Now that they have lost that someone they act like the world is dead and gone. I feel the same and know deep down we will never be the same again. My children are suffering, we all are, because of someone that should seem so insignificant and yet she wasn't. She affected all of us and we are all paying the price of falling in love with her.

Alice is no longer herself, like she was before. She no longer cares to shop or hunt, or even attempt at "living". Jasper is overcome with everyone's emotions including his own at self-loathing and guilt. Emmett no longer is the "jokester" of the family, never even attempting a joke. What's the point when there is no-one to tease and joke around with. Rosalie well she is in a sense feeling something, whether it is anger of sadness, even I don't know. I do know though she is hurting because her family is hurting. As for Carlisle and I we use each others strength and ability to hope for something better to get us through each day. Edward is gone, and I mean literally, gone. I haven't seen him in over two weeks. His pain at losing his love and the guilt he suppressed were enough to overwhelm him. I feel fear and pain for my son at knowing he is hurting the worst out of all of us and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

I know my family is falling apart at the seems. I know as a mother it is my job to help everyone but, how can I do that when I am hurting too? Bella Swan was someone who made each of our lives special in her own way. She brought a certain light and energy to us each and every day, and with that gone we are left in a shroud of darkness, that can only bring negative emotions and thoughts. I am reminded of the pain I felt all those years ago at losing my precious son, then it was a medical problem that took him away. For Bella Swan it was the thirst of a monster and the pain her love felt in the only way he knew how to protect her. 

I sat down on the plush bed that Carlisle and I shared. I did something I ever rarely did, I cried. Of course there were tears to stream down my face or cheeks to become red but, I cried anyways. I felt the bed sink in and two strong arms wrap themselves around me. They squeezed and I could only huddle in closer to the only person who could make me feel whole. While he held me I cried for my family, myself, and Bella. My rational thought before I feel into oblivion (1) was:

**We Need You Bella Swan…….to put our broken family back together.**

Author Note: Well everyone here is the 2nd chapter. I hope you all enjoy it whether it be good or bad. Just leave a review and let me know. I also want to mention, sorry for not updating yesterday, I completely felt like crap and still do but, the guilt made me do it. I will hopefully update later with another chapter, if I feel well enough to sit down on the computer and type it. So since I did update please review……it will give me the motivation to get another chapter out!!

snsw25kr14


	3. Jasper

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing related to Twilight…….it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer…..I wish I didn't have to keep saying that but, I do, so don't sue! I also am sorry for not updating sooner but, my teachers have felt that they always need to load me up with homework practically every night, so blame them! I also know that I should be updating all of my other stories but, well I felt the need to update this one! So make sure to review! Also ALL grammer and spelling mistakes are my own!

**Title: **Jasper (thank **twilight1192** for this chapter I was planning on doing something else but, she asked oh so nicely and well I couldn't refuse!)

**Chapter**:3/7

**(Jasper Pov)**

The guilt swimming around in our family like a minnow stuck in the oceans undertow was unbearable. We were drowning in our emotions whether they are guilt, anger, sadness, or even despair, they were all there and present. My family was being eaten alive from the inside out by emotions that even I couldn't control and all for one person. I know of course this person wasn't just anyone she was everything to our family. A best friend to Emmett and Alice including a little sister. A daughter to Carlisle and Esme. Lastly she was Edward's true love. I hadn't seen him for a little over two weeks and I was worried.

I knew I was to blame for what our family was going through. If only I had controlled myself better not let the monster inside of me be unleashed. I nearly killed Bella, a human; I already have so much human blood on my hands, I am grateful for not having any more. The look on her face was one that will forever be imprinted in my memory, one of shock, confusion, and plain fear. Edward's face was one of pure rage and fear. I remember the looks of my family's faces; Emmett's was anger and shock. Rosalie's smug. Alice's pained and worried. Esme's worried and understanding. Lastly Carlisle's was calm. I deserved every look I got but, the one look I should have gotten and didn't was that of disgust. Not from my family perse but, from Bella.

I remember Alice finding me after I had ran and killed seven deer just to allow the burning in my stomach and chest become dull. I remember her words: "_Bella tells me she doesn't blame you." _I knew I deserved nothing but her disgust or anger but, for her to feel nothing towards me at least in that department was quite shocking. It only made me feel worse knowing I had endangered someone so special and could have easily killed her and yet she has the heart to forgive me.

Sometimes I feel like the place people call a world is just a fake, imaginary thing. If it was as wonderful as people say it is, why do monsters like me exist? My head and body ached from the emotions of my family were overwhelming. I needed to get away even for a little bit to believe I wasn't the cause of what we were all going through.

I thought so much of my family but, I also thought of Bella too. What was she feeling? I knew she had every right to be angry and hate us, especially me, but deep down I could feel she didn't nor could she ever. When people use the saying, "one of a kind" I truly feel Bella is like that. She has a light that makes her so bright, and it in-return makes our dark and lonely existence a little brighter. I loved her as a sister, even though I always kept my distance, only this time it wasn't quite far enough. I wanted to rip every strand of my hair out and let it grow back only to have the pleasure of ripping it out again. It wasn't fair for our family or Bella. I watch day in and day out as my family slowly dies (**No pun intended**) and can't help feeling that I am the cause of it. I hope one day I am to be forgiven for what I did and in order for that to happen:

**We Needed Bella Swan Back In Our Family.**

Author Note: I know it's not very long but, I hope everyone enjoyed it. I will really try to update sooner but, I can't promise anything! Please let me know what you think, so that means a review must be left! Good or Bad……just no flames!

_Much Love,_

snsw25kr14


	4. Emmett

**Disclaimer: **I still own nothing related to Twilight………..it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer! I do just want to thank everyone who has reviewed so far, it means the world to me and when I can check my e-mail and see I have a few reviews it makes me smile! Well here is Chapter 4 and any grammatical errors including spelling/grammar are mine and mine alone!

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**Title:** Emmett

**Chapter:** 4/7

**(Emmett Pov)**

I am almost positive I forgot how to smile. I know that sounds completely crazy but, I don't smile like I used too. There's nothing bright enough to make me smile. I also don't joke anymore. Who's there to joke with when none of us feel "alive" anymore? The person that made it possible to have fun is gone, and I don't think I'll see her again.

Bella Swan is gone. Not dead just gone. I know deep down there's no one to blame but, my family and Bella, included. I **want** someone to blame though because if I have someone to blame maybe I'll be able to forget for just a little while how my families falling apart and I can't stop it. I feel I can blame Victoria for ever entering our lives. We were fine without her causing destruction and fear to enter our family. I also know I shouldn't but, I in a sense blame Jasper. Deep down I don't but, I on the surface I do, just a little. Then I think and I can no longer blame him because he is going through hell right know with his own guilt and anger on top of ours and he doesn't need anything else to deal with.

I sighed wishing I could have prevented us from leaving but, I'm not Alice. I didn't know we were leaving till that morning. I remember everyone's faces, forever imprinted in my memory. Carlisle and Esme's were ones of shock, understanding, fear, and heartache. Alice's was one of anger, frustration, fear, worry, and sadness. Jasper's was one of guilt and sadness. Rosalie's was one of smugness but, with a hint of anger. Mine was one of pure anger mixed with sadness. The face I remember the most though was Edwards. His face a mask of determination, sadness, and complete and utter pain. His voice cold and harsh as he told us we would be leaving. All I wanted to due was hurt him, not understanding why we had to leave someone so special behind. I guess now that I've thought about it, I see he only did it to protect her. If he did why does it hurt so much? I know all of us loved her, including Rosalie, but why did we have to leave?

Our family was no longer like they used to be. The one person who brought a special light to our family was gone leaving us in a shroud of darkness. Everyone in our household was falling apart and no one acted like they cared anymore. Edward only hunted when he absolutely needed too, even though I hadn't seen him in two weeks. Alice hadn't been shopping in forever. Esme no longer worried about grocery shopping, what was the point when there was no one to eat the food? Carlisle was our rock; we all leaned on him for support and strength. Jasper was reserved and guilt ridden. I wanted my family back but, I didn't know how to achieve that goal. I knew there was only one person who could put us back together again.

**We Needed Bella Swan to Make Us a Family Again.**

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_Author Note: I know it was short and not the best but, there it is! Please read and review good or bad just no flames…….! Reviews are love! _

Much Love,

snsw25kr14


	5. Rosalie

Disclaimer: i own nothing related to Twilight nor do I claim to, I am just borrowing! All grammar/spelling mistakes are my own and no one else's.

**Title: **Rosalie

**Chapter: **5/7

**(Rosalie's pov)**

_Bella Swan. _I internally sneered at the name in disgust. How could one pitiful and pathetic human destroy everything my family had fought so hard for? I didn't understand that much was for sure. I mean sure she was human and to a vampire that is an extraordinary and fascinating…..subject. They sure as hell weren't like us, so fragile and predictable. Vampires were a superior race, we could have and do anything we wanted and all because we could.

The bitter chuckle that escaped my mouth wasn't unexpected but, the bitterness which it held was. I was known to be a bitch to humans at least. I didn't like to get close to anyone let alone some human. I can't wrap my mind around the fact that one human could destroy a whole family without lifting a finger.

I drove my beloved car around the curve loving the way it was sleek and sexy, all muscle and beauty, like me. Most people would say I'm vain and maybe I am but, it's all I have. I don't have strength like Emmett or the ability to read minds like Edward, all I have is my beauty. It seems that all humans are affected by it except Bella Swan. That alone puzzled me; I saw the way she looked at me and knew she envied me, who wouldn't?

I scrunched up my perfect brow. Why was Bella not afraid? We were more dangerous than anything in the entire world and yet she never seemed to show an ounce of fear, except where my family was concerned. I remembered the look on her face from the video as James taunghted her, and yet she wouldn't give in. She was willing to sacrifice herself for us but, why? I knew she loved Edward more than anything and vice versa but, was love really that strong between to people who were from different worlds?

I sighed feeling an ache of sadness pulling at my gut at the thought of what my family would be like when I arrived home. I knew my family was mess or better yet a disaster. I didn't exactly know what they were going through seeing as how I never even took time to notice Bella yet alone become close to her.

I knew that both Esme and Carlisle were suffering terribly. I could tell, Esme no longer decorated the house like usual or was as cheerful. Carlisle no longer talked as much and seemed to be the pillar that we all needed even as it was weakening. I often watched Alice and Jasper as they battled threw there pain together. Alice a skeleton of what she used to be like and Jasper depressed and angry while trying to keep everyone else's emotions under control. Emmett was well, different. He no longer smiled like he used to or was as carefree. He seemed colder no longer so full of life. Edward was damaged. The only way I can describe it, is like that. He hardly hunted unless absolutely necessary and never spoke to anyone. He left home two weeks before and no one has heard from him since seeing as how he never answered his cell. I felt cold, even colder than usual and it wasn't because I no longer had blood running through my body. Maybe it is the fact that someone so insignificant tore my whole family up in front of me and know I'm left to deal with the remains.

Bella Swan was someone I didn't understand and possibly that's why I hated her. Or maybe it was because she would willing give her life and soul to be damned to a world of darkness, to no longer sleep or eat human food. She wouldn't even have the chance to grow old or raise children. I would trade her spots in an instant. I sighed turning the car back on from where I had stopped it at the edge of the forest; I think I hated Bella because she most definitely had something I longed for: humanity. I sighed the thought buzzing around in my head, I knew it was true even if I loathed the idea and thought:

**We Needed Bella Swan Even If She Was Human.**

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_Author Note: WOW another chapter out after only a day of posting a previous one, that's gotta be a record! I think this was my best chapter yet even if it delt a bit more on what Rosalie thought of Bella rather than what she felt when they were forced to move! Please let me know what you think good or bad I can take it…….just no flames!_

Much Love,

snsw25kr14


	6. Alice

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing related to Twilight! I am just borrowing for fun! All spelling/grammar errors are mine and mine alone!

**Title**: Alice

**Chapter**: 6/7

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**(Alice pov)**

I felt the ache again, which wasn't unusual. I knew what it felt like and how long it lasted. I knew this not because of my visions, no I knew this by the memories I had to deal with day in and day out. The memories of a certain human, a human named Bella Swan.

I closed my eyes tight against the painful onslaught of memories invading my head. I remembered her smile and her smell. The way she looked at each of us equally without disgust or disbelief. I remembered the way she would giggle at Emmett's jokes or complain and gripe at my eagerness to take her shopping, in the end going anyways to make me happy.

Bella Swan wasn't dead at least I didn't think so. I knew deep down though she probably felt dead. I know Edward does and always will without Bella. There was such a connection there it almost seemed unimaginable. Maybe it was, but, then I think back to how fun and happy Bella made us and I end up brushing the thought away.

I still didn't understand why we had to leave. Why couldn't we just explain, give her time to make her own decisions? Her own choice whether she wanted us to or not? I guess in a sick sense of logic that is the way love is. I know I don't remember much about my family or even my life as a human but, apparently love gets you thrown in an asylum.

I chuckled bitterly which was odd for me, I was usually so care-free and happy. What was the point when no one else in my family was? The Cullen family was falling apart much like an old building might after years and years of destruction, slowly fall apart but, fall apart none the less.

The pain of losing Bella was greater than any pain I had ever felt in my entire life. The pain greater than being changed or not hunting for a month. The pain was because I lost someone so dear and close to me. I lost not only a guinea pig Barbie to play dress up but, I lost my best friend and sister.

My family and I were never allowed to interact with humans, for a good reason. Yet one human managed to not only win our hearts but, fall in love with my brother. I can't think back to a time when I've ever seen Edward as happy as he was with Bella. She was unique, special.

The family is suffering. I don't have to have visions to see it, just a heart. I know my family better than anyone. I know they are hurting and while others show it like, Emmett, Esme, and I, other choose to ignore it. I felt like the family that was once joyous and "alive" was no longer like that. A human had taken our hearts and when we left she still held onto them. I knew she had Edwards and he had hers.

I sighed blinking my eyes hoping this would all be a dream; the only problem was I couldn't sleep. The Cullen family lost an important member whether some of us realized it or not. I knew we needed Bella and hopefully everyone else realized it to.

**Bella Was the Only One Who Could Heal Our Broken Family.**

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_Author Note: Here is Chapter 6! This story is almost over and Chapter 7 should be up either today or tomorrow! I hope I didn't change Alice to much to me she seemed a bit OOC. What do you guys think? Anyway please review good or bad!_

Much Love,

Snsw25kr14


	7. Edward

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing related to Twilight, except the original plot!

**Title:** Edward

**Chapter:** 7/7……it is now COMPLETE

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**(Edward pov)**

My Bella. I cringed feeling the hole opening up again. She was gone and it was all my fault. I knew I had left her heartbroken I could see it in her eyes. I mean I was heartbroken, so I knew she had to be.

I also knew that would eventually fade away. She was human and human memories seem to fade faster than vampire memories. I knew I would never forget her, like she would eventually forget me. I felt a pang of anger that she would eventually forget everything that we had and shared.

The pain that was in my heart and gut was enough to kill me I felt like everywhere I turned the world was glaring at me for what I had done. I knew the pain and heartache was mine and mine alone.

I wanted to scream or cry or both. Anything to let out the emotions that I felt. They were choking me, slowly killing me. The only person who could save me I made leave and I was left to face my death.

I knew I left to protect her. That is the only reason I left, because it is just not possible for a monster to be with an angel. I knew the lie I told her was cruel and harsh. I never wanted to hurt her; it's my job to protect her. Although ultimately I had hurt her by leaving.

I remembered the look on everyone's faces as I told them we were leaving. Carlisle's sad but, understanding. Esme's was absolutely heartbroken, she was losing another child. Alice's was full of anger and despair; she was losing her best friend and sister. Jasper's was full of guilt and self-loathing. Emmett's was one of anger and sadness; he was losing a little sister. Rosalie's was one of pure rage, she was losing a home. Mine, truly I don't think I can describe what I felt. I felt desperation and anger but, also depression. I had never felt anything like that in my life and was confusing and killing me.

My family was suffering, even though I hadn't been home for two weeks I knew what they felt. They felt I guess betrayed in a way. They didn't even get a choice whether they wanted to stay or not, I chose for them. They all felt anger and despair. I felt so much guilt because even though the pain I felt was killing me it was also killing my family. That was something no one should have to feel and yet I did because I fell in love.

Love is a cruel game. When you love someone you go through so much to be with them and what in the end to lose in all. I love Bella and that is why I left. It killed me to know that with a few harsh words she believed me. After everything we had been through and to believe me so quickly, it was killing me. The look on her face was one that will forever be imprinted in my memory. Her face one of disbelief and pain. She truly believed me and for that I will forever be sorry. The truth was I didn't deserve her. A monster never deserves to be loved and yet everyone in my family found it.

I sighed my body feeling drained of energy. I needed Bella but, I couldn't go get her. I never could hold her or laugh with her again, all because I am a monster. I sighed I knew one thing:

**Without Bella Swan There Was No Reason To Live.**

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**Author Note: Here it is the final chapter! I can't believe it's over; it has been so much fun! Anyways please leave a final review! I want to give a final thank you to everyone who has reviewed or that will review, it means the world!**

**Much Love and Thanks,**

**Kaylee aka snsw25kr14**


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